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Lies It’s Ok To Tell Your Kids.

You’ve heard of Slacker Moms, right? Well, this is going to be the title of my book – which will include all sorts of lies it is perfectly justifiable to tell your tots; from the tiny little white lies: “The truck that makes music sells broccoli.” to the whoppers: “Let’s put that on the list to tell Santa.”

Other lies that earn the “ok” stamp include those which manage to avoid sticky situations, such as: “Yes, you’re right, boys do pee through their belly buttons.” and “Don’t touch the little mouse, he’s sleeping.”

So, what other, “truth adjustments” do you deem acceptable in the call of sane parenting?

All Hail the Appliance Gods.

It appears they do exist, and heck, they don’t even need a shrine. After going to appliance Valhalla (aka: Home Depot) and choosing a shiny new fridge (which was delivered on Freyja’s Day, oh Happy Friday!) I am basking in their benevolence (aka: 0% interest). Here’s the kicker – a day after moving the malfunctioning  Maytag monster that used to be my fridge into the garage, I decided to play a little game of “what if” and plugged it in to see what would happen. I’ll be damned, the obstinate thing decided to work perfectly! So, I’m delighted to have a great new fridge and blissful that my husband won’t electrify himself trying to fix the old one; and while said husband looked at me with some suspicion when I told him the old fridge is “working great now!” he didn’t hesitate to stake his claim – declaring that the old fridge was now officially the “beer fridge” and was to be his sole domain – to remain untouched by non-alcoholic libations.

Whatever dude, the diet cokes and juice boxes are going in there too.

Do Appliance Gods Exist?

If so, I’m building a shrine to him/her/them/it in my garage. It’ll be made from all the broken sh*t that has brought me to my knees, ready to pray to a higher power to come save the life of my (fill in the blank here) furnace, fridge, washer, dryer, etc. Are you there Appliance God? It’s me, Melonie.

So, last year it was the furnace that blew up – this summer our fridge is fried. Why can’t the fridge break when it’s cold enough outside to chill stuff in the garage, and the furnace break when it’s hot enough outside to fry an egg on the driveway? Why, Appliance God, why?!? Because the appliance God is one sadistic b*tch, that’s why.

Maybe, because I love to stroll the aisles of dept. stores and ooh and aaah at fridges, I committed some form of appliance hubris and brought this technological tragedy upon myself. I know the husband thinks so – he’s halfway convinced I did something to break the fridge just so I could buy a new one. Ha-ha, but no – I was simply waiting for the moment our fridge would breathe its last – will I EVER learn to be careful what I wish for?

Stuff That Puts Me in A Good Mood

So, I was pretty upset about the whole gazebo debacle, etc – but yesterday I had a very unexpected surprise when my Dad delivered a brand new gazebo to my back yard – and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I tried to convince him to take it back to the store – that it was too much, etc – but he wouldn’t listen, and at one point said, “Would you just let me do this for you?!!?” Well, that was it – what could I say? Being a parent now myself, I understand where he’s coming from…I would do anything to make Aishtyn happy – and bringing her joy brings me double the joy – so, I shut my mouth and gave him a big hug. I plan to make sure he enjoys Father’s Day relaxing in the new gazebo, playing with his granddaughter. Thanks Papa Bear.
Anywayz – with the new gazebo and some kick-ass workout time yesterday, the world is a better place – and now I want to tell you about some other stuff that just makes me happy.

THIS VIDEO – yeah, it’s Kelly Clarkson, but the song rocks, and the video cracks me up every time.

Monday Margaritas at Tacos El Norte.

Finding a dress that looks great on me and is CHEAP.

Manicures and Pedicures.

When my daughter does something silly, weird, brilliant, new (so basically, anything that doesn’t involve whining, though even that can make me laugh sometimes).

A look from my husband that lets me know he thinks I’m sexy.

A nap in the afternoon.

A really well-brewed cup of iced coffee.

There are lots more harbingers of happiness, of course – but it’s good to know that next time I have an “I Hate Me” moment, I can get an Iced Coffee at Starbuck’s and go for a pedicure.

Why I Feel Like 1 of the 3 Little Pigs

Reason #1: Well, apparently the gazebo I was looking forward to enjoying all summer long is the house of sticks. Last Thursday night, the big bad wolf (aka – 80 mph winds) blew through, and by 2am his huffing and puffing left my gazebo in a broken pile on the ground.
Reason #2: I’m a porker. Give me a curly tail already for chrissakes – seriously. I have been trying so hard to get down to, at least, my pre-pregnancy weight, and instead – I have gained another 15 lbs since last year…it’s enough to make me want to bust my own porkchops. I don’t even eat porkchops, or ham, or sausage!

So – I’m kind of enjoying wallowing in an “I really hate me” moment…but now that I’ve blogged about it, I can kick myself in my piggy backside and do something about it. See ya – I’ve got to go workout some more; then see if a blowtorch can do something to my gazebo…other than set it on fire.

A 2 Bookclub Week

Yep, it’s not a blue moon, or even a full one -but the stars have aligned so that both books clubs I belong to chose to meet this week. Which meant while I took a leisurely 10 days to read one, I crammed the other in over the weekend! These two books are nothing alike, but since I’m reading and dicussing them in tandem, I can’t help but compare apples to oranges, as it were.
First up – as discussed in last night’s meeting: Digging to America by Anne Tyler. I gave it a C/C-…and my reasons are basically the same as one Amazon reviewer, so I’ll include their words here:I finished this book because I was urged to by people who had read and loved it, but the reason why is still beyond me. Nothing much happens in this book except a series of suburban dinner parties. Since there is no plot, some strength of characterization should have been necessary, but none of the characters are engaging and we don’t get to know them very well. There are some sentences and scenes which are good and amusing descriptions of people’s thoughts and conversations, but that’s not enough to carry a book which was conceived without much in the way of content.

This reviewer pretty much covered all my opinions on the book. I’d only add that I was disappointed by the direction the author takes the book: you start out expecting to read a story of 2 families adopting children from Korea and learning about all that goes into that – but this is just glossed over while the focus falls on the grandmother of one of the adopted children: a critical, cold widow who, an immigrant herself, is afraid of becoming too American.

Another side irritant is that I couldn’t help but wonder why Tyler chose to make Maryam (the foreign grandma) and her family Iranian. Any ethnicity would have served her purpose – I felt that Tyler’s choice was an author’s cop-out – an easy way to borrow some drama and conflict thanks to Sept 11. It was a cheap shot, imo, and not used very well besides. Unlike The Namesake – where I felt truly immersed in the Bengali culture – the description of Iranian culture here felt torn from a cookbook.

As for the other book: Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver, the meeting is Wed night – and I’m hoping for the rain to finally go away, so we can enjoy a nice evening outside – the perfect surroundings for this story. (As for Digging we met at a Korean restaurant, which turned out to earn the same grade as the book: C-. Maybe it’s just me, but Korean food just tasted oilier and saltier than Japanese – I had the salmon, which I always love, and managed to be “underwhelmed.”)

I enjoyed this book – I give it a solid B, a B+ even. Unlike Tyler’s book, Kingsolver does an excellent job developing her characters, both major and minor. The conflicts are subtle, the plot woven gently – so the characters take center stage. There is a great deal of fascinating info about nature, insects, birds, and farms – yet it never feels didactic or overwhelming. One of my favorite parts was her description of scent, and the way we respond to it.

The only time I did get a “preachy” vibe from the novel was in reference to pesticides and organic produce – here, I felt the author was using her characters as a soapbox she could stand on.

I read this book the last week of May/first of June – a perfect time to do so: I was often reading outside, and listening to the wind in the trees, smelling the new bloom of peonies, and surrounded by clover. Even all the bugs heightened my enjoyment of the read. Perhaps the only time I will EVER say bugs heightened my enjoyment of ANYTHING.