Blog

All too easily I am able to sink myself into the murky depths of the “if only…” thought process. It’s probably why I was so obsessed with Romeo and Juliet as a kid. Rewinding and replaying a series of events – pin pointing what I did wrong, and agonizing over how one simple action on my part could have changed everything and made things better. I’m not talking about just major mistakes that led to life-changing repercussions, though I have had my share of those (of which thoughts I keep locked up in a box and buried under the bed in the deepest darkest closet of my mind). For me it’s even the little things I do that lead to something going wrong that tie my stomach up in knots for days and take over my ability to concentrate on anything else except, “You idiot! Why did (or didn’t) you do/say that?!?” I know I am butchering this quote terribly, I’m not even sure if it’s the right play…but one of Shakespeare’s characters (I think in Julius Caesar) has a comment on how “What’s past hope should be past care.” And really, I wish it was that easy. I get it – I do – I know that when something is done, it’s done, and fretting over it and wishing I could change it does no good and will get me no where. Yet I can’t seem to help it! All I can say is that I am thankful that overall, the things I have to regret are relatively minor in the scheme of things (most of them) and that what I wish above all; not only for myself but for my children, is that we can live out our days with, if not without any, than at least with very few moments of serious regret.