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The Naughty Space Bar

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No, no, this is not some review of a bizarre new strip club where the girls wear space suits and the poles look like rockets…so if that’s what you’re looking for please go away and never come here again.

Or better yet you can go to this website, which is a link a fellow homeschool mom sent out this morning to our group.

I clicked, looked,  and said “Well then.” Wondering if it was a mistake, or if maybe she had decided let us in on a much more personal side of her life.

One that involved shoe fetishes and dominatrix dates.

How did this happen, you wonder?

Easy. Blame it on that naughty space bar.

Just one stray tap of that space bar and you go from this: http://www.chicagohomeschoolexpo.com/

to this: http://www.chicagoh omeschoolexpo. com/

ETA: Since posting this, the “mistake” link no longer takes you anywhere…so if you were hoping for a dose of porn…you’ll have to get it elsewhere my friend.

I know, it’s so hard to find porn on the internets.

Motivation that Sticks

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Recently, I read a little article in one of the many parenting magazines I receive (more about my magazine habit and how I keep it under control later) that asked moms to reveal a “kid-like” trait of theirs. Answers varied from cutting crusts off sandwiches to having to touch everything. So I thought…what kid-like quirks do I have? One that quickly came to mind is the joy I get from stickers. That’s probably one of the main reasons I started scrapbooking – it gave me an excuse to buy stickers. Lots and lots of stickers. This may be a little wacky…but I still have my collection of sticker books from when I was in oh, 2nd and 3rd grade (Lisa Frank ring a bell anyone?) Forget trading cards, when I was a kid the big thing was to swap stickers. I remember the excitment of starting a new book, of finding a new design for the all horse sticker page (which sometimes could include unicorns, and sometimes not). It was an awesome day when my mom would let me come with to pay the electric bill at the Ben Franklin, and give me 10 cents to pick a sticker to buy off the rolls they had displayed in shimmering glossy reems.

I was always an A student…and while I’m not sure, I wonder if perhaps stickers played a role in my desire to do well. Getting a test or a paper back with a “You’re a Star!” sticker stuck perkily on the top center of the page always gave me a thrill of pleasure.

I don’t care what age you are – seeing a sticker on your work just feels good. When I taught high school I would often put stickers on my students’ tests. You’d be amazed how even Mr. I’m-Too-Cool or Ms.I’m-So-Bored got a kick out of seeing cute little animals shouting congratulations at them stuck to their work.

As a homeschool kid, I don’t want my daughter to miss out on what may be conisdered more a part of the “standard” school experience. So, among other things;  I make sure we decorate the house for each holiday much like you’d see in a primary classroom setting and often put stickers on her schoolwork.

Anyone who homeschools (and is honest) can tell you that it can be pretty darn rough some days. On those days when I want to tear my hair out just to get her to try to sound out a word, or remember what comes after 14, or write her middle and last name as well as her first…then I am thankful for the power of stickers. When we are in such a moment, I pull out a sheet of stickers, let her mind rest as she chooses one she likes, then tell her once she has completed whatever assignment we are struggling with, she can place the sticker on the page.  Maybe it is because, like her mother, she delights in stickers so much – but the tactic always works.

That’s why I am so happy with the page-a-day calendar I got for Miss A this year. She is obsessed with counting down days: knowing how many days there are between one activity and the next, and…of course…how long until her birthday. Last year she had a  Littlest Pet Shop page-a-day; it was cute, but I just ended up with sheets of pet shop characters littering her bedroom floor.  This year we got the Teacher’s Sticker-A-Day box calendar. January is not yet over and I already LOVE this calendar. It covers 3 days at a time, so if you’re like me and will blink only to find it has gone from Tuesday to Friday, it’s nice to feel caught up.  The variety of stickers is great too, and Aishtyn has already had papers awarded with dancing dinosaurs and cats that say “Purrr-fect.”

I’m so pleased I think I’ll give myself a sticker.

As for how else I’m like a kid? I love new crayons. I’d rather open a box of new ones than sharpen perfectly good used ones. This is why I also love Crayola’s new line of twistable crayons. They are like having new crayons all the time, and since they are encased in a plastic tube, you don’t have that funky crayon smell. (What is that smell anyway?)

And thinking of how I’m still a kid made me think of those cheesy frosted mini-wheat commercials, where at the taste of sugary frosted goodness, an adult suddenly morphs into their former kid-self, while still wearing their big-person clothes.

My thumb might not be green…

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But a pale lime…or celery? Maybe.

Our mini herb garden, “It’s alive!”

10 days after we got things going, things are, well – going!

10-daysAll 4 of the pots we planted managed to germinate and show evidence of green growth, it was actually quite exciting!

progress-10-daysOf the 5 day germinators, the basil seems to be chugging along better than the marjoram…but that may just be how they sprout (Miss A is going to look into that more for school tomorrow).

At first, I was worried about the 10 day germinators, since they were looking a tad funky for a day or two, but now seem to be coming along nicely as well.

The parsley is a little sparse.
The parsley is a little sparse.
But the cilantro is kicking some herb butt!
But the cilantro is kicking some herb butt!

Now,  a subzero climate that has been pretty grey, in a house where the only south facing window is in the basement…we shall see just how green a thumb I have.

I must say I am proud of Miss A – she has been very  diligent about remembering to: a) water the plants, b) ask me before she waters the plants, and c) slowly water the plants just enough so they don’t die a horrible soggy death.

And props to the Pioneer Woman’s photoshop actions. If you can’t tell, I’ve been having some fun playing with the boost option. Not bad, considering my rinky-dink point and shoot I got at the Circle store.

I see what they mean by “the good old days”

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Often, you (and by you, I guess I mean me) hear people complain about the way technology is destroying mankind. Not robots harvesting humans for… (what would robots harvest humans for anyway?)type stuff; just the simple fact that the more ways we have to communicate, the less we seem to connect.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, blah-blah-blah. I’m sure the same complaints were made when the telephone first became popular. (Imagine the following in cranky old person voice) “What! You can’t even come over for a visit anymore! No time to see me face to face, gotta send your voice over a wire and, huh? I’m holding it wrong? What do you mean the receiver is upside down? See! We wouldn’t have this problem if you’d just get on your horse and drop by for a chat dagnabbit.”

Now, I’m not about to trade in my e-mail for a stationary set, or stop texting quick notes to hubby and friends…but I have decided there is a line in the technology sand I’m not ready to cross: the dvd player in the car line.

Once a week I teach a class that’s almost an hour away (sometimes worse on the way home if the traffic is bad…which it always is).  My daughter comes with since she takes a class at the same time, and two one hour car rides, especially when you’re tired and hungry and crawling along in stop and go rush hour traffic (why do they call it “rush” hour anyway? You may be in a hurry, but you sure aren’t going anywhere fast!) So when I got a portable dvd player for my birthday (to stick in the workout room so I can gaze upon Tom Welling and catch up on Smallville episodes while logging some time on the treadmill), I decided to try taking it along in the car for Miss A for the long car ride.

Even before I set it up for her I made ground rules: the dvd player will be for very long car rides only, and it doesn’t stay in the car permanently. We used it for the first time last week, and I’m very glad I put those rules in place…if I had not before, I would have after.

It wasn’t that the system was hard to set up, or difficult to operate – and it did in fact, offer me a peaceful (well as peacfeul as you can get while dodging potholes going 60 mph) drive to work…but it was just weird to have Miss A be so, well,  quiet!

If you have read any of my posts, you know that many of my more interesting conversations with my daughter occur in the car. Her brain wanders and lights upon all sorts of unique, bizarre, and clever observations.

It was nice to have a bit of a peace on a long drive, especially since most of her conversation during such drives is restricted to whining about how long it is taking or how hungry/thirsty/tired/bored she is, and if that isn’t enough she goes into this mode where she drums up old grudges…past moments of insult/injury that she decides to get angry about all over again; such as the time I promised her a playdate with a friend and had to back out – or something similar. With the dvd player on she settled back in her car seat (Princess, of course) and all I heard was the occasional giggle. In fact, since the movie wasn’t finished when we pulled up in the driveway she was sad the drive was over!

So I do plan to bring it along for those long drives…but  there is no way it will be a daily thing – I can’t even imagine all the awesome, interesting hilarious and sometimes awkward conversations I would miss out on with my daughter; wait, I can imagine it…and that’s why I would never do it.

When I eventually decide to buy a new car, there are some features I am definitely considering: remote starter, gps system…hey, maybe even seat warmers…but a dvd player? No.

No thank you.

Lazy People Litter and UPOG

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Looking at the title of this post, I realize “litter” could be read as a noun or a verb…I guess I could mean both. Y’know, like the word “cook” is a noun or a verb.

In the case of it being a noun, “lazy people” would modify the word – telling us just what type of litter it is; as in: “Look at all the lazy people litter out here, sheesh people, is it that hard to walk your garbage ten feet to a trash can?  Obviously it must be, since they can’t walk ten feet to put their shopping cart away either.  Sometimes you get the double whammy: a really lazy person who not only couldn’t take the time to throw out their nasty tissue/big gulp cup/UPOG (unidentified piece of garbage) but rather just tossed into their cart, then left said cart sitting in the parking lot before hopping into their trash filled minivan. Oh wait, their car won’t be filled with trash because they routinely toss it out the window while driving…or – one of my favorites (that’s sarcasm here, by favorite, I mean most likely to really irritate me. Really.) – pull into a parking spot, open their car door, and drop a pile of trash on the ground (it’s under my car! nobody will know!) before heading into a store which probably contains a plethora of places to properly dispose of that pile.

If you’ve ever tried to pull into a parking spot, only to discover a shopping cart taking up half the space…or while walking through a parking lot had to zig-zag to avoid a soiled diaper just sitting on the asphalt…or went to grab a cart only to find a wad of upog that you really wished you had a pair of tongs to remove…then you understand my pain.

The verb form is obvious: lazy people litter all the time, as my daughter often observes. I fear my disgust for the lazy people of the world (shared by my husband) has clearly had an effect on her. Though I’d prefer it if she didn’t publicly chastise perpetrators, I’m glad she has learned the simple grace of being respectful of the world we live in and others in it. Because really in a lot of ways, littering is a simple matter of disrespect. When you litter, you mar the beauty of your surroundings, and you make more work for somebody else  – whether it be the next person to park where you did (who isn’t also a lazy person that would not only leave the cart right where you left it, but add a few upog to your pile as well), or the cart dude who has to round up all those carts (“But that’s his job! a lazy person will whine…no your job is to put the cart in the corral – his job is to collect them from the corral and bring them back in to the store).

Miss A was reflecting on “lazy people litter” in the car the other day. Thinking of all the things one may toss from the window, she told me, “They better watch out if they litter with  something like a receipt from the library check out. Because then the police have your name and will know where you live.”

Ah, if only it were quite so simple.

But beware you lazy litterers of the world, A.J. is watching you.

And if I were you, I’d throw those library check out receipts in a trash can.

It’s 30 degrees below zero and we’re gardening

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Indoors, that is. We planted a mini herb garden, and hopefully in a few weeks we’ll have a luscious crop of Basil, Sweet Marjoram, Parsley, and Cilantro.

Hopefully.

The project was simple, and not too messy…we used a gift A.J. had been given for the holidays (to which her original response was, “Oh great. A plant.”  Luckily her severe lack of enthusiasm warmed up when we opened the Chia herb garden and she began unpacking all the supplies.garden-1-copy

You just take a garden “sponge”, soak it in water for a sec, squeeze out the excess, and plop it one of the pots.garden-2

Since the Chia herb garden uses some type of mossy sponge rather than a pile of dirt, filling the pots with soil and water was a fairly smooth and clean process. Not a small feat considering Miss-Spills-A-Lot was in charge. (Seriously…on several occasions she has been threatened with the possibility of only being allowed drinks in the bathtub).

garden-3

So, after choosing our herbs (the kit comes with 6, we decided to save dill and chives for later) sprinkling the seeds on top and adding the little name tag stake thingies (is there a technical name for those things?).  In less than 15 minutes we were just about done.  While I covered each pot with a plastic sandwich bag to simulate a mini greenhouse, Miss A made cards noting the germination time line for each plant (5 days for the basil & marjoram, 10 for the parsley and cilantro).  The kit recommends setting the plants on top of the fridge since the fairly warm area will help the germination process. (This was fine with me, since that would put them out of the reach of Miss-I’ll-Just-Water-Them-A-Little-Bit-More).garden4

After the germination stage, the pots are supposed to be moved to a south facing window…the south side of our house doesn’t have a single window, so I’ll see what I can come up with.

As for whether I’ll be making some tasty Thai noodles with the basil or some kickin’ salsa with the cilantro…sure…whether it will be from my spice cabinet or freshly trimmed from our mini garden…

Either way, it was fun to do this activity together, especially since we were stuck indoors on a day most of the town shut down due to the ridiculous temps.  I’m a bit shocked at how often schools, etc close due to weather conditions nowadays – I have to wonder if the world is getting softer or smarter…and is everyone turning into a bunch of pansies?

One of the joys of homeschool – learning doesn’t get put on hold ‘cuz of the weather.

And Grandpa Johnson? She’s sorry she said she didn’t like the present…it wasn’t “just a plant” afterall.garden5

And while we’re on the subject of Rice Krispies…

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I just really found this fascinating, odd…but fascinating.

Keep in mind I’ve had two glasses of wine tonight.

Did you kow that “Snap-Crackle-Pop” is not universal? Nope (at least that’s what Wiki tells me) The following has been cut and pasted from a wikipedia article:

The onomatopoeic noises differ by language:

Oh, and in Australia they call them “Rice Bubbles.”

Hm.

Learn something new everyday!

And while we’re on the subject of cakes…

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Yours truly had a birthday in here somewhere.

Now, usually I don’t do cake…it’s really just not my thing. I was that weird kid who didn’t like frosting.

But Beth, my friend who makes all the incredible edibles you have seen me post here, convinced my husband (upon delivering the cake seen in my previous post) that she needed to make a cake for me too.

Finding a theme for me wasn’t too hard (just see #1 & #2 on my 100 things)

yoda-cake-08And since she knows I’m not a fan of the traditional celebratory confections, she made this for me out of RICE KRISPIE TREATS. Yes people, the Jedi Master is gracing a “cake” made of Snap-Crackle-Pop deliciousness.

Which was actually quite an evil thing to do.

I LOVE rice krispie treats.

Love them.

Luckily the frosting was so incredibly sweet that in order to avoid a diabetic coma I couldn’t eat too much at one time.

Or at least I had to remove gobs of frosting first.

It was worth it and hey – if you’re going to have to face the reality of growing older it’s nice to know at least you’re not like, 900!

The fact that Yoda was a puppet brought to life by the same man who voiced Miss Piggy is of no consequence.

A Cake for all Seasons (and reasons)

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There’s really not much to say here, a few months ago my husband underwent a procedure and decided a celebration was in order.

And what’s a party without cake?

v-cake-web

Also on the menu were cocktail weenies, bbq meatballs, cheese balls, donut holes, and those little sweet pickles.

Yes, you detect a theme.

Congrats to my man, who was man enough to do this.

Land of Nod visits Johnsonville…it’s cheaper here

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There are a few places I indulge…things I buy that are luxury items for someone like me who usually only makes a purchase if it’s on sale (and hopefully I have a coupon too).  Among these indulgences are scones and non-fat venti cafe mochas at Starbucks, BabyLegs for Miss G (that’s an addiction I’ll delve into further at some later date), and stuff from The Land of Nod. You know, that cute little side store of Crate and Barrel that sells everything from these handy dandy and adorable book shelves (the girls each have one in their room) to fun & educational games with funky artwork. On a recent visit I picked up some clips for wall art (I got em 50%0ff at $5.95, now they’re even cheaper – go buy some!) While there, I noticed this really cool wallpaper that A.J. would just love. I mean seriously, the girl is a Doodlin’ Fiend and goes through piles of “dry paper” (what she calls blank paper for some reason) every day. Luckily, I practice being green by hoarding all the paper leftover from various speech tournaments and recycle them into hours of art entertainment. I thought it was a great idea, and cute to boot…but wasn’t too keen on the $40 price tag, esp since this was not pre-pasted wall paper. Ever use that stuff? Me neither.  FOR GOOD REASON.

I didn’t want to deprive my child of the joys the freedom and liberty to color on the wall would give her, nor did I want to deprive myself of the “free” time it would buy me while she was occupied doodling flowers, rainbows, and the Scooby Doo gang (complete with Shaggy’s sgraggly goatee, btw).

So instead of dropping the $40 for the wallpaper, and at least another $20 or so for paste and tools (not to mention the time and frustration of hanging the stuff) I made a quick run to my local smiley faced superstore and bought a pack of white poster board and some sharpies. Once home, it took me about 5 minutes to scribble some frames onto the poster boards (this was actually quite fun, if you want to know).

wall-artI tacked them up to the side of our island with some wall putty. wall-art-2

After a few minutes of doodling, I was rewarded with a giant hug and a “this is awesome Mama!”

And that is worth a heckuvvalot more than $40.