Gifts of the Maji…I mean White Elephant

Ever been to a White Elephant party? They are a lot of fun – you don’t go out and buy anything, oh no – you simply peruse your house for items that have been sitting around for God knows how long, and that you would just love to get rid of, but can’t because it won’t sell in a garage sale, and you feel guilty just throwing it out.

If you’re like me, and have relatives who never fail to bestow upon you a few gifts that are a tad…bizarre, well then the White Elephant Party can be a bit of salvation…a way to free yourself from the ownership of undesirable objects. The best White Elephant gifts are ones that have a story behind them – like the glossy wood clock in the shape of the state of Florida that my husband found in the trunk of the bright yellow Dodge Omni he bought as a teenager.

I hold the title of White Elephant Gift Queen – for the past 2 years my friends and I have got together to throw a big WE party and, each year, my gift seems to get the most guffaws. The best (or saddest) part is that these gifts were things my family gave to me thinking I would like them – that they somehow fit my personality…which is scary interesting indeed.

The first gift, and the one that will live in infamy as it is regifted by the receiver each year is the “naked people doing it on a tree stump candle.” Yep – that’s what it is, a candle about a foot tall made of purple and magenta wax shaped in the form of two naked people getting it on while half seated on a tree stump.

It’s a good thing I got my degree in acting, my madskillz came in handy that particular Christmas morning.

This year my contribution to the WE party was a stylish, classy t-shirt with the caption, “Squirrels Gone Wild” emblazoned above a picture of a censored squirrel waving her bikini top around being ogled by another beer guzzling squirrel. The gift was was originally given to my husband (by the same relative who had given me the candle of lurve), and thus it was his turn to pull off an Oscar-winning performance.

For the moment, I maintain my crown – though some runner up gifts from the other girls included an atrocious pink flamingo lamp and a pair of edible undies that looked like a loincloth made from fruit roll-ups.

Now, while you may not be able to match those gifts in ridiculous hilarity – here are some other possible winners for the White Elephant Gift Exchange in

Christmas Gift Ideas Days #6 & #5:

Napoleon Dynamite’s Kip Kit: a real gift for the tool in your life…or great fun at a WE party.

Beer Can Fishing Lures: I can only wonder – are these meant to actually catch beer swilling fish? Or are these gadgets intended to help lonely females lure hapless men?

UPDATE…it’s been five years since I wrote this post, and that candle still comes back to haunt my friends with continued horrific hilarity. People have had to get creative about re-gifting the candle, since everyone knows to avoid it…tricks such as wrapping a small box with a note inside that says “YOU GET THE CANDLE!” have been used…last year everyone was too busy to schedule a WE party and I honestly had forgotten who was in possession of it. So I was beyond surprised when over the holidays this year the candle showed up…in my own lap. Pardon the horrible photo, but our waiter took it on my phone…look for the pink and purple blob of doom!

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