The big day has come and gone, heck – it’s almost been 2 weeks already (man does the time fly by!) And I want to start things out as fair as possible, so, since Big Sister got a little montage on her last day as an only child, Little Sister is getting one for her first day (well, first week) as the baby of the family. Welcome to our little corner of the world, Gwyn, you complete our family with grace and a sweet, sweet love that fills my heart.
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Aishtyn’s Last Day as an Only Child
Yep, this is it. After today, she shall have to share the universe with baby sister. To commemorate this moment in history, I have made a little montage. Here is Aishtyn, age 5, on the brink of becoming the big sister.
10 days left of being pregnant and I feel like ranting
Yep, 10 days (maybe less, you’d have to ask my passenger what her plans are) left to this pregnancy and I’m getting cranky. Very cranky. So rather than sit there and complain about the myriad of discomfort I am in, I’ll entertain myself by complaining about all the other stuff in my day-to-day life that IRRITATES me.
Let the cathartic rant of TTPMO* begin!
* = Things That Piss Me Off. My own special webacronym…I shall use it often.
TMPMO #1: Road Construction
This is not the typical complaint – yeah, construction sucks. It makes life tedious and turns an already hellish commute into something diabolical – but I’m actually cool with it. A necessary evil, a part of life, whatever. No, what pisses me off about road construction is about how it takes the assholes of the world and magically turns them into SUPER-SUPREME-KING-ASSHOLES. You know who I’m talking about, and if you’re one of them, I’m telling you here and now – you suck. Here are some examples of behavior that earns you the title of SSKA (what can I say, I’m in an acronym kind of mood). Exhibit A: the posted limit in construction areas is 45 mph (or less). Dire warnings of fines, etc await those who break this law. Now, I’m a reasonable person, and understand that most of society is going to have a hard time following this law to the letter; especially if there is zero evidence of any construction going on (which is sadly, often the case – but that’s a whole ‘nother issue). You wanna break the law – go for it Mr. McSpeedy. However, you have ZERO right to get pissed at me for choosing to be a good citizen. Racing up so that you are a cat’s whisker off my bumper, flashing your headlights, shaking your fist (or other appendages) at me, etc, is not going to make me speed up to accommodate your asshattery. In fact, it just may make me decide that hey, why should I risk breaking the law by going 5-10 mph over the posted limit (which I, as many people of common sense choose to do)? Maybe I should s-l-o-o-o-w down a tad more. Go the actual posted limit. You know, can never be too careful and all. So, if the ass hat fits and you’re wearing it; get a clue and realize these tactics won’t get me to speed up for you or move out of your way. It’ll just piss me off dude.
TTPMO #2: People who buy into whacked out theories and put others at risk because of it.
The prime example of this is parents who are choosing not to vaccinate their children. Thank you Jenny McCarthy!
I mean, what the hell? I understand parents want the best for their children – to do what’s right for them – but come on!!! Common sense is called for when making decisions for your child’s life. It doesn’t take an extra-large dose of logic to decide that when choosing between a possibly life-threatening, crippling, and/or terribly painful disease or the tiny/tiny minuscule possibility that your child may develop autism (a term that, btw, has undergone some serious re-defining in the last decade or so) from a series of vaccinations, that, well, the vaccination should win every time.
Sadly, this is not the case. Many, many parents have chosen to jump on this band wagon…maybe because their child did develop autism and they are desperate to blame something – anything – as a cause. Maybe we have just become a society so blessed by the advent of these vaccinations that we have simply forgotten how devastating they can be. Well, congratulations- we may all be in for a very harsh reminder. As of 2000, the viral disease measles was declared wiped out of the US. It’s 2008 and apparently we’re on the brink of a major outbreak.
So, yeah, I’m pissed off. If your decision to not vaccinate your child affected only you and your family, I’d be cool with it – you take the risks, make the gamble and have to live with the effects. Unfortunately, that is not the case. There are many children who have illnesses that either a: prevent them from being able to have the vaccine, or b: have compromised immune systems that will make them more likely to catch a disease that they could avoid if said diseases were kept in check like they were meant to be…BY VACCINATIONS. Also, I’m expecting a child here, did I mention that? What are the dangers for her? As a newborn who will not have had the full panel of MMR yet?
Now, will this turn of events cause many of these people to go running to their Dr’s demanding the shots? Vaccines need to be given on a set schedule to work effectively, and it may be too late to backpedal out the problem they have created – will there be a sudden increase in demand for these vaccines – not just by McCarthy cheerleaders who haughtily held their child back from the Ped’s needle, but by adults who are terrified they are no longer immune? Will such an increase in demand lead to a shortage that could easily have been avoided if people followed the recommended vaccine schedule? I’m know I’m getting ahead of myself here, but if a shortage like this does happen, and my child can’t get the vaccine because of it – then, pissed off won’t be the word for it.
There are plenty more TTPMO, but I’m a cranky pregnant woman, and need to take a break.
A dream come true?
This is another episode in appliance hell; the last of which included an exploding microwave (which, by the way, is still awaiting a happy ending (ie – a new microwave – nope, I haven’t bought one yet…it’s a good thing we really don’t use one too often around here).
This installment of appliance hell concerns those workhorse appliances: the handy dandy machines that keep our clothes clean clean and smelling fresh – your washer and dryer. Now, mind you – our current w/d were in a pretty sad state when we became their proud owners (along with the house they came in). The washer would flood if you tried to use the extra large capacity setting, and the dryer had a broken handle (managed to fix that so I didn’t have to keep wedging a coat hanger into it every time I wanted to open it) and a cracked piece on the inside drum that clothes would snag on and get severely tangled (or worse, would rip). Yeah, it kinda sucked – but for the most part they did the job, so I couldn’t justify buying new…especially in light of all the other crap that DIDN’T work and DID need to be fixed.
And so I chugged along, doing laundry – if not happily, at least consistently. Until the last month or so when the dryer started to sound like a screeching, moaning animal. Aw, heck – it was still drying clothes, and yeah…it’ll probably break soon…but the old girl still had some life in her yet, so we’ll press our luck. Then, bam! A sneak attack from her sister appliance! Here I am just dreading the moment the dryer up and dies, when it’s the washer that croaks first. Yep – went in to put a load in the dryer and found the clothes still soaking wet. No big deal, I think – I’ll just run the spin cycle again. So I did this…twice. Then after some experimentation, I realize the washer isn’t spinning. And I don’t have to be Martha Stewart to realize that: no spinn-ey, no dry-ey. After playing pioneer days with the husband and wringing out clothes by hand, I immediately jump on-line to research appliances. Happy Easter, Home Depot – here we come.
I can’t pretend that a part of me isn’t happy with the situation; aside from the expense and inconvenient timing, I’m glad the w/d decided to bow out and make the decision for us…because, despite my kinship with this woman and her appliance fantasy, I just can’t see dumping such a load of cash for anything less than absolute necessity. Though the giant catapult is very tempting… (I just love the fact they include a warning not to attempt this at home, uh-oh, better cancel that order for the giant Medieval Catapult Kit).
Speaking of that commercial, apparently the concept of a woman lusting for new appliances is gauche…several sites are lambasting LG for the advertisement; like these grouchy old people whining. Oh, lighten up; have you never owned a faulty appliance? Clearly, you must not have…or you’d surely be able to empathize. Then there are these people who like to feel superior by complaining about stuff they hate in commercials , I’m sure these same blowhards who are getting all bent out of shape about a chick wishing to demolish her current appliances also think the scene from Office Space where the cubicle boys take a baseball bat to the scanner/copier just totally rocks. (BTW, if you do a YouTube search for “Office Space” & “Copier” or “Fax” or “Smash” etc, you would not believe the number of people who have re-enacted this scene with their own electronics. Go ahead…do a search).
As for whining about stereotypes…a woman doesn’t have to be Donna Reed to get excited about a washing machine…in fact, I doubt Donna ever wished she could take a jackhammer to her appliances. Or if she did, she just added that to her overstuffed closet of repressed urges.
So, no, while I did not tie my w/d to the train tracks or drop them off a cliff while wearing an evening gown, I shall be saying goodbye to them with as much glee as the woman with the catapult.
Conversations I Wasn’t Execting to Have…Just Yet
Ok, so being pregnant, I anticipated I might be faced with the task of explaining to my 4 year old “WHERE BABIES COME FROM.” Having had a c-section with her, and planning a c-section with this one – I had an easy escape route for the conversation about how baby comes out (so that scar is good for something). Somehow, however, I have managed to escape this talk for now as she seems to simply accept that Mamas have babies.
Lately though, other questions have been popping up – leading to topics and discussions I just wasn’t planning to have so soon. My daughter, let me try and say this objectively, is very bright – and listens carefully to the conversations around her (more carefully than her father and I realize sometimes). The first issue I had hoped not to broach for some time to come is death. For some time, Aishtyn has been aware that people can be missing from our lives – my grandmother passed away when Aishtyn was a year old. Obviously she doesn’t remember her death – but she does see pictures of my grandmother holding her – and wants to know “where Great Granny went?” Lately, Aishtyn’s questions have become more in-depth – she wants to know more. Thankfully, it was not the death of a family member that sparked this deeper interest. My father-in-law had a dog who died recently, and as we were heading over for a visit, Aishtyn was looking forward to seeing the dog. Well, I had to explain that Patch was “gone” – I tried to use a…more delicate term, but she looked at me and asked, “Is he dead?” Well, “yes” I had to reply. This wasn’t too devastating for her – we went to my FIL’s house only 2 or 3 times a year, so it was a loss she really couldn’t feel too intensely. Her mental wheels had been set in motion though, because she began to ask about my dog, Thisbe – who – if you’ve read some of my earlier posts, doesn’t live with us, but with my parents. Aishtyn still manages to see Thisbe often, and adores that little fluffball. She wanted to know if Thisbe was going to die, I had to explain that, yes, one day Thisbe will die. Fear creeping into her voice, she asked if I would die…again, I had to say that yes – one day I, as all living things one day do, will die. This news started to get her really upset, and my husband and I both tried to explain that while sad, death is a part of life (I believe I tossed a Lion King circle of life reference out there) and it does no good to worry and get upset about something we can’t predict or prevent. The important thing, I said, is to enjoy the time we have now – to love each other and be thankful for each day we get to be together, and to make sure that we have lots and lots of memories for the time when we won’t be able to make anymore. By the time the conversation was over she seemed to accept the concept, and I realized that in teaching her – I had reminded myself of a very important lesson we seem to easily forget in the day to day routine.
The other topic (brought up in the same car ride as the first one!) is a little easier to handle – but a parenting hurdle, nonetheless. Aishtyn asked us if the Easter Bunny was real. Oh boy…this could be quite the slippery slope – and if the Easter Bunny isn’t real…than what about the Tooth Fairy? Or Santa?!? So I decided to give an answer that had enough truth in it to avoid an outright lie, and enough fiction in it to keep the childhood icon alive. I explained that all the Easter Bunnies she saw at the mall and at Easter egg hunts were pretend (losers in costume, was I believe, my husband’s contribution to the conversation). I also explained how Dad and I hide some of the eggs she hunts for, just like we leave some of the presents under the Christmas tree for her – because the Easter Bunny, like Santa, doesn’t have time to leave a ton of eggs/presents for each child. “The Easter Bunny,” I said, “is a mystery – I’ve never actually seen him, so I don’t know what he looks like, but I like the baskets he leaves on Easter!”
I believe she still believes. The ironic thing is – I think it’s more important to me that she continues to believe than it is to her…I selfishly want to hold on to that part of her childhood for as long as possible.
Though sneaking down to her college dorm to hide Easter eggs might be going too far.
Taking the Frankensteins Shopping
At least that’s what my daughter would do. If she was being chased by a herd of Frankensteins. She’d take them shopping for new clothes.
Let me back up a little – lately Aishtyn has been having a hard time settling down at night, complaining that no matter how hard she tries to think good thoughts, the bad dreams always take over. So before bed last night my husband asked her to describe all her bad dreams, and then helped her think of ways to make them good dreams. (Kind of like what you’d do if you ever encountered a bogart)
Some of her various bad dreams included a lightbulb that was trying to eat her, mummies chasing her on the moon, and the one about the Frankensteins. (No average monsters under the bed for this girl!)
I still can’t shake the image of Aishtyn leading a troop of bewildered Frankensteins around the mall…dressing them all in pink.
A Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Ending
Well, that’s what the movie version of The Nanny Diaries tries to give you. I read the book a summer or 2 ago, and enjoyed it with a kind of voyeuristic pleasure – peeking into the lives of women I will never be, living in a world I will never inhabit. TND is the story of a recent college grad who finds herself working as a nanny for a posh super-elite Fifth ave. family (the “X’s”). Through Nanny’s eyes, we see what goes on behind those penthouse doors. Part of the book’s inherent enjoyment is the confirmation of our secret belief that the parents in these families are arrogant self-absorbed superficial people who connect better (and spend a great deal more time with) their golf buddies and hairstylists than with their progeny.
Overall, the movie version stays faithful to the essence of the book, including many of the more humorous and bizarre situations that nannies who work for people like the X’s find themselves in, such as: normal nanny introducing sheltered child who is on a “high-soy organic diet” to, gasp!, the pleasures of pb&j, having to wear humiliating costumes as you chaperone and schlep your charge (also in humiliating costume) to various business/charity functions, playdates in homes where Mommy is a former Miss something or other and the Nanny’s job is more concerned with watching the mom than the kids, and “Mother/Nanny” conferences that are supposed to encourage communication and harmony between employer and employee but really just shine a spotlight on the yawning gap between the two.
It also includes the harsher, darker side to the lives of perhaps the most important character in the story – the child. These children are, as Nanny at one point accuses the parents of treating them, “an accessory”: something Mom & Dad can polish up and trot out when needed, and ignore the rest of the time. Often they are passed from caregiver to caregiver, changing Nannies with the seasons. While on paper they are worth insane amounts of money, their own feelings of self-worth are impoverished.
It is here where the movie detours from the novel and slaps some Hollywood happy-endingness on to a story that, while may have left the reader with a sad sorrow, was much more true to life. I, for one, am usually a fan of the happy ending. I don’t go to the movies to discover more about the harshness of life – I go to escape and enjoy myself in a place where HEA is a sure thing…a guarantee I can’t get in the real world. However, I also appreciate verisimilitude in a work of fiction, and appreciate the author’s respect for me as a reader; giving me a story that is true rather than glossed over for the sake of my sensibilities. In this, the movie does it’s audience a disservice. I wonder why the director & screenwriter chose to make these changes…was it simply because they want to ensure the audience leaves with warm fuzzies? Or did the true ending of TND hit too close to home for those living lives similar to the X’s? In any case, the film ends with Nanny’s cathartic diatribe causing Mrs. X to undergo a complete character-change. Suddenly Mrs. X is no longer the woman who can’t be bothered by even the gravest needs of her offspring (as demonstrated by her reaction to the news he was suffering a 104 degree fever while she was away at the spa) – and the film ends showing clips of her snuggling with her son, and eating gasp! pb&j with him.
While it is nice (especially for the sake of the children involved) to suppose that such a change could happen so easily and, more importantly, be permanent, I have to say the book’s ending (which you can read for yourself) is a much more accurate, if not uplifting, view of the situation. Though it may not leave the reader with the same sense of neat&tidy resolution that the viewer gets, the book’s realistic ending adds credence to the entire story and leaves the reader, like the nanny in the book, pausing to wonder just how that little boy will turn out…and if the X’s will ever discover what’s worth the most in life.
Don’t eat too many nuts…they may freeze.
Continuing on the hilarious things kids say thread – the other day my sister and I were talking and I asked her if she would have to walk to a babysitting job she had later in the week or if they were going to pick her up, she said she’d probably walk. My daughter’s instant response was, “Walk? You’ll freeze your nuts off!”
I did the whole giggle/snort thing while my sister paused…asked me what exactly did Aishtyn just say, and then concluded she must have heard it from her father (which, of course, she did).
So when my sister asked Aishtyn if that’s something her Dad told her she replied, “Yeah, my Dada eats too many nuts and then they freeze.”
Giggle/Snort again. Hey Dad – you get to explain this one to her later.
Damn, it’s a Pooping Day.
There are times when your kid just says something so freakin’ hilarious, you have to write it down so it can be saved, remembered, and possibly used to embarrass them when they turn into a snotty teenager.
This morning was just such an occasion when Aishtyn jumped up and announced (and I quote verbatim) “Damn! I have to poop again. Geez, I think this is going to be a pooping day.”
We’ve all had our share of those, huh?
It’s not just me
Ah-ha! I love it when I go on a rant and discover that there are others out there who get annoyed and frustrated about the same things I do.
Case in point – one of my fave websites, SBWLTB, just had an entry about how people shouldn’t get personally insulted if someone disagrees with something they like. Pretty much the same opinion I stated in my entry, which started out being about Christmas Letters – and ended up on that rant.
Melonie Johnson 
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