Yay! It’s actually Friday! The only reason I’m on time with this post is because I missed my morning spin work-out at the gym. 1. The reason my butt is sitting in front of the computer now instead of on a stationary bike while I cry and swear (the Friday instructor is cruel, but she…
Right now I need to do this…my sanity depends on it. I need to reflect on some good things, big and small that make for a good life; cuz today was a bit on the crappy side. This morning my vacuum cleaner started shooting fireworks, then just decided to shut off – which I guess…
I bet you didn’t know this…but switch one zero for a three in the LG Customer Service line, and instead of sub-par phone grunts rolling their eyes at your domestic dramatic diatribe, you get sub-par phone grunts rolling their eyes at your domestic drama while saying things like “Oh yeah baby, take my thong off…
As August arrives and summer comes to a close, I thought – just once, I was going to escape an annual visit to Appliance Hell. But those malicious, sadistic, evil Appliance Gods had other plans for me. I see now that they were toying with me…allowing me to relax and grow comfortable and to almost…
They both irritate the hell out of me. A year or two ago we were faced with a frustrating and expensive experience with the IRS due to incompetence and general asshattery on the part of someone(S) shabby work. An experience which led me to play the acronym game, as seen here. As I mentioned recently,…
This is another episode in appliance hell; the last of which included an exploding microwave (which, by the way, is still awaiting a happy ending (ie – a new microwave – nope, I haven’t bought one yet…it’s a good thing we really don’t use one too often around here). This installment of appliance hell concerns…
…in the continuing saga of Appliance Hell. In today’s episode, mild-mannered housewife Mimi Johnson is attempting to get dinner together for the family (like a good housewife should) when ZAP! PING! WHOOSH! flames are shooting out of the microwave!!! Our heroine keeps a cool head though, and soaks a towel before shoving it into the…
Buckets. Of sh*t. Somewhere, someone must be laughing about this – I know I’m nearing the point where I burst into hysterical giggles. Ever see the movie, The Money Pit? That moment when Tom Hanks begins to cackle uncontrollably? I understand that now. Problem #1: So the fridge crisis had been resolved for less than…
It appears they do exist, and heck, they don’t even need a shrine. After going to appliance Valhalla (aka: Home Depot) and choosing a shiny new fridge (which was delivered on Freyja’s Day, oh Happy Friday!) I am basking in their benevolence (aka: 0% interest). Here’s the kicker – a day after moving the malfunctioning …
If so, I’m building a shrine to him/her/them/it in my garage. It’ll be made from all the broken sh*t that has brought me to my knees, ready to pray to a higher power to come save the life of my (fill in the blank here) furnace, fridge, washer, dryer, etc. Are you there Appliance God?…
Melonie Johnson 
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