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Appliance Hell: Phone Sex Edition

I bet you didn’t know this…but switch one zero for a three in the LG Customer Service line, and instead of sub-par phone grunts rolling their eyes at your domestic dramatic diatribe, you get sub-par phone grunts rolling their eyes at your domestic drama while saying things like “Oh yeah baby, take my thong off…

I thought just once…I might escape…

As August arrives and summer comes to a close, I thought – just once, I was going to escape an annual visit to Appliance Hell. But those malicious, sadistic, evil Appliance Gods had other plans for me. I see now that they were toying with me…allowing me to relax and grow comfortable and to almost…

A dream come true?

This is another episode in appliance hell; the last of which included an exploding microwave (which, by the way, is still awaiting a happy ending (ie – a new microwave – nope, I haven’t bought one yet…it’s a good thing we really don’t use one too often around here). This installment of appliance hell concerns…

And now, for the next episode…

…in the continuing saga of Appliance Hell. In today’s episode, mild-mannered housewife Mimi Johnson is attempting to get dinner together for the family (like a good housewife should) when ZAP! PING! WHOOSH! flames are shooting out of the microwave!!! Our heroine keeps a cool head though, and soaks a towel before shoving it into the…

When it rains, it pours.

Buckets. Of sh*t. Somewhere, someone must be laughing about this – I know I’m nearing the point where I burst into hysterical giggles. Ever see the movie, The Money Pit? That moment when Tom Hanks begins to cackle uncontrollably? I understand that now. Problem #1: So the fridge crisis had been resolved for less than…

All Hail the Appliance Gods.

It appears they do exist, and heck, they don’t even need a shrine. After going to appliance Valhalla (aka: Home Depot) and choosing a shiny new fridge (which was delivered on Freyja’s Day, oh Happy Friday!) I am basking in their benevolence (aka: 0% interest). Here’s the kicker – a day after moving the malfunctioning¬†…

Do Appliance Gods Exist?

If so, I’m building a shrine to him/her/them/it in my garage. It’ll be made from all the broken sh*t that has brought me to my knees, ready to pray to a higher power to come save the life of my (fill in the blank here) furnace, fridge, washer, dryer, etc. Are you there Appliance God?…